“Haunted Mansion” Review
(From Left) An immensely talented cast of Owen Wilson, Rosario Dawson, Lakeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish and Danny Devito are wasted in Disney’s bland adaptation of the famous Haunted Mansion ride.
In the early 2000s, Disney had a craving to adapt their theme park rides into theatrically released films with “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” being a critical and commercial darling while “The Country Bears” was a incredibly fun bout of insanity. However, 2003’s “The Haunted Mansion” was a misfire of tragic proportions complete with a substandard script and a criminally miscast Eddie Murphy. It’s a shame since I love the ride the film is based on and I think that it could result in a goofy adventure film with a dark edge. Does the 2023 adaptation of the ride manage to bring this energy? Sadly no. With this new version, “Haunted Mansion” takes what could have been a creative premise and instead becomes a dull trip that fails to capture the ride’s charm and imagination.
When Gabbie (Rosario Dawson), a single mom, and her young son Travis (Chase W. Dillon) move into an ominous mansion in Louisiana, they begin to realize that they’re not alone and that their new home is severely haunted. Hoping to appease the spirits, they hire a variety of supernatural experts including the psychic Harriet (Tiffany Haddish), a priest named Father Kent (Owen Wilson), enthusiastic college professor Bruce Davis (Danny Devito) and Ben Mathias (Lakeith Stanfield), a paranormal investigator who’s in the midst of a battle with grief. When the spirits prove to have malicious intentions, the group of the living must find a way to outwit them or else be stuck in the mansion forever.
I think my biggest gripe with “Haunted Mansion” is that it isn’t even the least bit frightening. Not that I was expecting a terrifying R-rated horror film but, based on how the film’s stars and director described the film in interviews, I was expecting the kind of film that could entertain people of all ages while having some intense moments that could serve as a nice introduction to horror for children. It might seem strange to be angry that a Disney film wasn’t scary but I would argue that Disney has been the reigning king of scarring children for decades and I love them for that. I wish that this film had the same kind of mind behind it as the first “Pirates of the Caribbean” film with an interest in being a crazy, fun adventure with plenty of scary sequences that can frighten yet entertain children and adults.
However, we should accept a film for what it is and not for what it isn’t. If “Haunted Mansion” couldn’t be like a 1980s scary comedy like “The Goonies” or “Ghostbusters,” it could still be an entertaining film. Admittedly, there are some elements of the film that are capable of holding an audience’s interest. For one, the cast is fairly good. With talented people like Owen Wilson, Lakeith Stanfield and Danny Devito in the cast, their natural charisma does result in some decent characters and funny moments. I particularly enjoyed how enthusiastic Danny Devito was about the most creepy things.
Also, as someone who has been on the ride and loves the atmosphere of the experience, the film’s sets are creative and capture that zany macabre I love. But the film’s script just doesn’t have what it takes to justify its existence. Like a ghost, the script resembles something tangible but it’s just a hollow shell, feeling rushed.
What’s amazing is that I watched “Oppenheimer,” a three hour film whose pacing was so strong that it felt like two hours. Bizarrely, “Haunted Mansion” feels like “Oppenheimer’s” inverse with a two hour runtime but a lagging second half. So many times I wondered when the film would end because all I was watching were likable enough actors running from blobs of CGI in a story that I couldn’t care less about. What’s even more baffling is that the film tries to have some substance, with Ben dealing with a tragic loss in his life, but it’s handled in a way that feels like this plot thread was added in at the last minute.
So much of the film’s best attributes feel underutilized including Jamie Lee Curtis as the great Madame Leota, a multitude of comedic situations and Jared Leto as the menacing Hatbox Ghost. Despite having a memorable design and creepy voice, the film’s main villain just doesn’t leave much of an impression and wastes the talents of an actor of Jared Leto’s caliber. Say what you want about the original 2003 film, at least it had Terrence Stamp in a memorable villainous role. Everything else might have been terrible but the film at least had General Zod going for it.
“Haunted Mansion” feels like a studio film that was assembled by committee. There’s not much life or imagination in an adaptation of a property that celebrates both in a glorious display of campy frights. This is the real tragedy. My only hope is that twenty years down the line, when Disney inevitably tries to adapt the Haunted Mansion ride for the big screen for the third time, that it will be as insanely creative as I know it can be.
