“You Hurt My Feelings” Review

Tobias Menzies and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss play a couple whose relationship is on the rocks after a hurtful secret is revealed in “You Hurt My Feelings.”

Have you ever told a lie to someone you care about in order to spare their feelings? Imagine if that person found out you lied. What do you do then? This is the central question poised in “You Hurt My Feelings,” the latest film by acclaimed writer/director Nicole Holofcener and from studio A24. This captivating dramedy approaches its subject with grace and humor and makes for a wonderful, life-affirming experience. 

In New York City, Don and Beth (Tobias Menzies and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss) are a happily married couple who feel stuck in their careers. As a therapist, Don appears to make no progress with his patients and, as a writer, Beth is worried that her first book of fiction isn’t as good as her previous work. While out shopping with her sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins), Beth overhears Don and Sarah’s husband Mark (Arian Moayed) discussing Beth’s book where Don openly says that he doesn’t like it without realizing his wife was able to hear him. With their trust broken, Don and Beth must try to find a way forward which causes them to question the dynamics of their relationship. 

Writer/director Nicole Holofcener has always been a talented filmmaker and her most recent work as a screenwriter has resulted in some of the best scripts of the past few years for films like “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” and “The Last Duel.” After five years away from the director’s chair, her return is outstanding. Holofcener handles “You Hurt My Feelings” with so much grace and sensitivity while also injecting humor into the most serious moments. 

Holofcener’s exceptional screenplay asks some pretty compelling questions related to how people in relationships communicate. Is it better to be completely honest or to sometimes disguise the truth to protect the feelings of others? If it’s the latter, when do you lie and why? 

Both Don and Beth are well-crafted with Tobias Menzies and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss delivering incredibly human performances. With Beth’s lack of confidence and Don’s desire to make a connection with just one of his patients, they both feel strung out in their work with only each other to rely on. So, when this dependency is shattered, Don and Beth must look at how they interact and see if they can even trust each other after such a major lie was revealed. 

Also pivotal to the plot is the couple’s relationship with their son Elliott (Owen Teague) who feels torn between his parents’ expectations for him and what he wants. He wants to be seen as a person instead of as a child who is amazing in everything he does. The conversations that Beth and Don have with each other and with their son are perfectly written, acted and paced and make the film’s 93 minute runtime flow smoothly. 

With an incredible supporting cast including Jeannie Berlin, Michaela Watkins, Zach Cherry  and David Cross, “You Hurt My Feelings” is full of essential relationships and how our honesty or dishonesty can affect them. Seeing all of these people try to find their way over the course of the film was absolutely beautiful and, as I walked out of the theater following the screening, I felt this affirmation of life coming from what this film had given me. 

While so many films try to forcefully elicit a strong emotional reaction, “You Hurt My Feelings” is a truly excellent film to contemplate and it’s, yet again, another winner from A24.